A little disappointed/A little relieved

Monster Man apparently didn't qualify for the medical research study we were trying to get him into. Since we went into the screening with mixed emotions, I guess that ended up being a good thing. As parents, we really wanted to get him the help that he needs, but we also didn't want to turn our son into a 'human guinea pig'. We were kind of afraid of what side effects he might experience, and that was our biggest concern with it. Monster Man himself had such mixed emotions. On one hand, he wanted to get rid of the anxiety; on the other hand, he was afraid that he'd lose the tics that help to make him who he is. Of course, the money involved in doing the research (he was going to get some to spend and the rest was going to go into savings for him) had dollar signs in his eyes, making him a little more willing to take part in the study than we were. Once he got through the initial upset of his first blood test, he pointed to the vein on his arm, saying "this is my money maker", and asked when he could go back. I told him he needed to think about it more, just like we did. The decision was made for us, instead, and we never received a call to go in for the first treatment.

Knowing now that he isn't getting called back has given us some mixed feelings, just as the initial screening did. Now, we're a little disappointed that we weren't able to get him the treatment that could possibly have helped him. We're also a little relieved to know that we won't have to turn him into a 'human guinea pig' in order to get the treatment.